I know something is wrong, like my sanity and life is being held together by a thread. No! More like I am standing in deep waters, on my tippy toes, my head barely above water, looking up at the sun just to be able to breathe. And it feels like I could stay that way forever, so I can keep surviving, after all I feel almost weightless in water. But I know it is just a matter of time before my toes feel weak and strained, or the waves in the water pushes a little harder throwing me off balance. I sometimes find myself letting go and sinking, maybe so I can rest my toes, i don't know. I know I have to push up again on my toes before I start to drown. I am a little rested and saner, atleast i like to believe so. Nothing has changed, i am still in deep waters, unsure of all my actions, and can't find any way out. One day I will either drown or swim.
In short it feels like holding in tears, while being unsure and also sure of what you are about to cry about.